The Mum I Am

You know the phrase ‘compare and despair?’ It rings a little too true as a Mum. We can be our own toughest critics. So when doubt creeps in and you start comparing yourself to others – pump the brakes, take the pressure down and give yourself some credit. Nobody can ‘do you’ like you can (literally!)


We all do things differently. Whether we’re working Mamas, SAH Mamas, whether we’ve got one, two, or more children – Mumming is unique to you and your family. That’s hardly ground-breaking, I know! But I was speaking to a girlfriend recently (who by the way is a phenomenal Mum), and we were discussing our kids’ different personalities and trading stories on our ‘sensitive’ ones and how we can better manage them and make them more resilient.

Then she started putting herself down. Saying that based on the parenting book she was reading and the other parents she was talking to, she is clearly ‘over-parenting’ and ‘hovering’ over her child, and that this must be the reason her little one struggles to cope in certain situations. I gasped. I ranted. Then I felt so much ANGER. Not at my beautiful friend.

Anger that we feel pressure to label and intellectualise every little aspect of parenting to the point where we lose confidence in our own ability to make the best decisions, for fear of somehow getting it wrong.

‘Is my style of parenting moulding my child into a personality stereotype?’, ‘Are my parenting choices setting my kids up to fail later on in life?’

These are big questions. Important questions. But GEEEZ it’s hard to always have an answer. And seriously, short of wrapping your babes in a bubble there’s no other way to control every aspect of every thing that ever happens to them. What’s more you can drive yourself crazy with this type of constant self-criticism (I sure as hell do and it usually ends up with me feeling like the worst Mum to ever walk the planet!).

Yes, of course, there are times when crticial thinking is a good thing – but for now I’ve written a Mum Mantra of sorts, entitled The Mum I Am, as a reminder to myself that it is both the GOOD and the BAD bits of me that make me a Mum – and this is something I want to embrace. (You could write your own too, if you’re feeling my vibe on this?!):

The Mum I Am stays home with my kids, day-in and day-out

The Mum I Am yells at them way more than I should

The Mum I Am lies beside them every night until they fall asleep

The Mum I Am is riddled with anxiety every time I say goodbye

The Mum I Am quietly dreads the day they no longer need me

The Mum I Am has tired resting-bitchface 95 per cent of the time 

The Mum I Am daydreams about the girl I used to be, and the things I wanted to achieve

The Mum I Am explodes with pride watching them play together (when they think I’m not looking)

The Mum I Am wants them to stay little forever on the good days; and desperately wishes the time away on the bad days

The Mum I Am loves them harder than I ever thought possible. And I cannot believe my luck that they are actually mine.

I may over-analyse, self-criticise and ‘compare and despair’ all too often, but this is The Mum I Am and I’m proud. And you should be proud of the Mum you are too. ‘Cos whether you’re wearing runners, flip-flops or off-the-runway pumps, NOBODY has walked in your shoes. And nobody has an answer for everything (but incidentally, if you come across someone who proves me wrong on this, send them my way, would you?).

Katey x

15 comments on “The Mum I Am”

  1. Love this so much K! I feel a trending hashtag on the horizon #themumiam We are indeed all so harsh on ourselves and what a beautiful way to practice a bit of self mum love instead of constantly Self criticising xxx


  2. Wonderful sharing of how it really is. I’ll pass this on to my three daughters who are mums just like you! Thanks for the affirmations.


  3. Great read. Its comforting to know that i’m not the only one analysing the big qu’s and not always knowing the answer. Mantras are such a great idea. Hope to use them some day!


  4. The Mum I am … has felt all that you feel & still do. The Mum I am looks at my almost 21 year old & in a split second can feel emotions ranging from intense love, overwhelming pride to gut wrenching regret & soul crushing guilt.
    I can remember when he was my placid little blonde haired boy & I would fret about the day when he didn’t need me anymore & I can tell you that just when I start to think I’m obsolete, I hear a ‘Hey Mum’.
    He may not need me to walk him to class anymore, or measure out his panadol, or to tuck him in bed at night, but he needs me. Why? Because I’m his mum & his heart & soul will always need me.
    How blessed am I, like you, that I have more coming up the ranks.
    Beautiful blog, I look forward to reading more xx


    1. Thank you Megan. I absolutely love your comment. And lovely reinforcement that once a mum always a mum, they just need us in different ways as they grow up as I’m sure I’ll find out! Thanks for reading xx


      1. Yes honey, even when the days are shit! There’s a lot of shit days. But now that my first born is almost 21, I can barely remember them.
        But I do hope I laid with him enough as he fell asleep & that I held his hand when I told him how proud I am.
        You’re doing such a great job, never forget that!


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